In the Grips of Grief

A Thought Originally Expressed on July 25, 2009

I, like a lot of people are still grieving for the loss of Michael Jackson. It’s not over for us. It just keeps coming and coming. If you are on the left side of Fan Adoration – you have ignored the stories, the whispers, the media and everything else, however, if you are on the right side of fan adoration, you’ve had to force some bit of reality into your grieving – it’s the only way to move through the process.

I have been bopping around in stage two which is pain and guilt for a minute now. There is this rush of euphoria as I see all the ‘things’ I can now acquire about Mike. All this footage, good bad or ugly is footage nonetheless and I haven’t been able to live in the present persay with Mike in years.

Today – I was abruptly pushed into stage three with the breaking news that Dr. Conrad’s office was raided and Manslaughter is being attached to the ongoing investigation. Ya’ll know him – he was Mike’s personal physician and the last one to see him alive.

I’m not sure how I feel about this and should I be angry at him. Was he a quack, was he money hungry, was he start struck, was he forced under duress? I don’t know. I”m sure he’s somewhere conflabing with the Dr. from the Kanye West’s mom case.

I am however to the point that I”m mad at…MIKE! WTF?! Why would you destroy yourself like this? I mean about everything. Exactly what part of YOU GOT IT GOING ON – did you not get?!

Who are the legions of punk ass people – mouth open to receive your holy turds straight from the souce to just be in your presence and let you just run amok in your own little world.

I saw a picture of I know 300 negroes talking about they your family. You had that many people blocking some of them from saying to you NEGRO YOU NEED TO CHILL!!!

I’m mad at Joe – but not why everyone else is griping. I’m mad at Joe because he got a comment and has had a comment on EVERYTHING ELSE – but he didn’t smack you upside the head when you really needed it?! OK He was an ‘interesting’ Father- but he should have told you to GET OVER IT. You sitting up in a fantasy house with life size pictures of yourself as knights in shining armour BECAUSE I KEPT PUSHING YOU. You got folks jumping off bridges, fainting, falling out, etc. because I KEPT PUSHING YOU. AT Least you had a damn father!!! At least he’s alive!! katherine could have been alone with the 9 of you, cause Joe booked South. Joe worked hard, he saw something in ya’ll, he nutured it, he got it in front of who it needed to be in front of, he kept vultures away from you for as long as he could and like MOST KIDS – of course you told him to kiss your Moving Violation Ass. It was expected and would have seemed weird if you hadn’t.

Grief is not just for those that are dead – you can grieve about anything. You think you the only one who missed their childhood? Sorry, but traveling the world, doing what you love, having a missed opportunity to get more tail than Wilt Chamberlain ain’t a bad life!! There are some who have missed their childhood because they have been made to prostitute since age 6, some who have missed their childhood because they are laid up in a bed an inch away from death the whole time – you knew this and yet you sitting around still whining about it.

You could have experienced it differently. Little white boys dont’ have special access to childhood! You could have got you some fast cars, took you some fabulous trips, banged you some fabulous women. George Clooney is lving a ‘childhood’ of sorts, Diddy is living a ‘childhood’ of sorts. My momma always said YOU CAN’T GO BACK IN THE WOMB!!!

I grieve everyday and will probably be stuck in stage three about my own damn family for a couple more years to come. You think I thought it was gonna turn out like this? Nobody’s life turns out the way they dream about – that’s why it’s called a dream. Some of it may happen but for the most part – there is gonna be some hiccups.

I’m real mad at you Mike! I was fully expecting to see you being royalty in the Black Musical Community. So what you had vitiligo – you keep it real and we would have all just kept stepping.

I’m real mad at everyone who was so busy – you’re the king of pop that they didn’t tell you – there is only one KING and you ain’t it. All the people that sat around looking at you destroy yourself and was too busy taking inventory on your stuff that they ignored it. I’m just mad that as vocal and ignorant as black people can get towards other black people – someone, including family (as far as I know) didn’t jack you up. But then again – living my own life, I certainly can see how the one that sees can be made the villian as everyone else just wants to ‘keep the peace’ – so I fully understand and like in my own life – it’s a dayum shame.

So yea I’m in stage three and Michael Joseph Jackson – you have pissed me off – cause because of your antics, shenangans and straight grade A fuckery – you have made me have to write the soundtrack to the rest of my life myself AND I CAN’T SING!!!!!!!!!!